I am a planner.

I am a scheduler.

I have never been very…. mmmmm…….spontaneous (although I am working to attract the spontaneity skill).

I love and thrive with routines and predictability.

So when things do NOT go as planned, it can easily put me in some kind of tailspin.

Now I better clarify a little. I am a great problem solver. When things go wrong, you know like an unexpected snow storm that has me trapped at home, or even an unplanned expense that may seem to be a great hardship, I can handle those. I can problem solve and adapt to the situation.

What I struggle with are the things that seem to be within my control but for some reason are NOT!

Here are some examples that STRESS ME OUT!

• When my husband does not follow the agreed-to “plan” because of _______________________________.
• When I have done everything I think is necessary to reach a goal and it just doesn’t happen.
• When I have a plan for my life and it doesn’t go that way. (You know, get married, have 10 kids and live happily ever after).

Do any of these things ring a bell or touch a nerve for you?

If so, you are gonna wanna to listen up, because I’m going to share with you what I’ve learned over the years and how to handle these “upsets” in a way that will bring you peace and “happy” growth.

I think what I struggle with most are the things that invade my personal space, “my little world”, my safe place. And that doesn’t just mean my home, or my office, but my “energetic world”. You might call it my mental and emotional place of being.

You know, like when someone else’s actions cause a problem so that I am unable to keep a commitment. Then I’m not able to fulfill what I have promised. This is probably the biggest one for me.

So what is going on? Do I need to set a boundary? Do I need to be like Elastagirl and be “more flexible”? Do I need to just let it go and suffer the consequences? Do I always need to be prepared with a Plan B – a backup plan?

Well, I think it is a combination of all of the above.

I can’t tell you how many times I have had a babysitter “back-out” at the last minute when I had a firm commitment from them and an appointment that I could not miss.

I was going crazy and started to worry about every appointment I made because I was sure there was going to be a problem at the last minute.

You heard me right!!! I was setting up the WRONG energy!

Ugh! But I had been “let down” so many times there seemed no other way.

Yes, BIG lesson for me! Practice what you preach Carolyn!

So, the first thing I changed was my expectation.

I knew some of my sitters had a hard time being on time, so I always asked them to arrive 30 minutes before I actually needed them. I know they had their hearts in the right place, but punctuality is a weakness for them, so I worked with it.

No! I didn’t tell them they were coming early. And guess what, when I stopped worrying about them being on time, they started arriving on time. Which gave me a little extra time – gotta love that!

Next, I stopped worrying about sitters backing out at the last minute. I just set up the intention that I would have the perfect sitter every time.

That was a little bit difficult to do. But I did it! Now I just trust it will always work out – even if it is not the way I had planned (that is a BIG one – letting go of the how and just trusting the end result will be what I need).

Have I had some last-minute changes? Yes I have. Did I have small moments of STRESS! I admit I have. But as soon as I take a deep breath, and let go, the solution comes! I call this my Elastagirl moment. You know, when I let myself be flexible and trust it will all work out for the best.

Boundaries also come into play. That’ a big discussion for another day. But I had to take a hard look at my boundaries. Because I was allowing my sitters to “let me down”, I was, in essence condoning the behavior and telling them it was OK to treat me that way.

As soon as I strengthened my boundaries, things changed. I didn’t have to say or do much. As soon as I decided what I would and would not tolerate (and remember, I had to let go of the how) my energetic stance changed and my sitters felt it. The respect for the commitment changed and life has been so much easier.

Now, part of all this was having some Plan B options in my tool belt. It’s kind of like having a list of things I can do in 5 minutes or less should a 5-minute window open for me at an unexpected time. I am a big believer in being prepared, but not counting on the catastrophe.

If you focus too much of your energy on your back-up plan, then you will need it – a lot! I’ve been there, done that!

So I had a list of options should a sitter unexpectedly have to bail on me, but I made the list and tucked it away in my mind to only be recalled in an emergency.

You know what I found? When I changed my energy (all the stuff we have already talked about), the soon to be AWOL sitter actually comes to me with a solution! They don’t really want to let me down and they know I expect them to be responsible if they commit to me. So it has made a huge difference.

Whew! Great changes there.

Now, on to the bigger stuff! Fabulous goals that just won’t materialize, life plans that don’t go as planned.

This can be so hard.

You feel like you are failing. You get depressed. Why can’t your life just go as planned??? It’s a great plan!

Here we go back to the “how” and letting go of outcome.

One thing I encourage my clients to do when setting goals or intentions is to add “or something even better” to their statements, affirmations, etc.

Why? Your Higher Power has so much more in store for you than you can even imagine! Your vision is limited. You don’t want to limit your progress, success, blessings to only what you can imagine.

And then there is timing. This is a BIG one for me. I think I know the best timing for me. Again, I have to remind myself of my limited perspective.

When things are not materializing like you think they should, it’s time to ask your Higher Power… “Am I seeking the wrong thing?” “Do you have something better in store for me?” “What do I need to change about this goal/vision to be in harmony with what YOU want for me?” “Is what I am seeking really for my highest and greatest good?” “Do I need to tweak it in some way?” “Is this a timing thing?” “Is it time for me to be patient?” “What do I need to learn before I can have this thing in my life?”

You see where I am going?

How many times have you looked back on your experiences and thought… “Wow! I’m glad that didn’t go the way I wanted it to!” or “I can see this is a MUCH better way.”

When you are feeling depressed and discouraged about what “isn’t going as planned” pat yourself on the back and say to yourself “I can’t wait to see what better thing is coming my way!” “I’m so glad I’m not in charge of the timing!”

Allow yourself to let go of the” hows” and the “whys” and to let go of outcome. It is time to be more flexible in allowing yourself to happily grow and thrive in harmony with your true, authentic self.

The picture of what you think things should look like is likely marred by your ego and when you let go and trust your Higher Power, all of the sudden you become in harmony with your who you REALLY are and the plan becomes less important.

There you have it. The things I have done to stop being stressed when things don’t go as planned.

Join this Month’s Online Group Energy Clearing Session