Several years ago I found myself divorced after 14 years of marriage, living on my own, wondering how I was going to make ends meet, and why God had kept me on this earth.

I ran through a long list of “I’m not enoughs”…

I’m not lovable enough.  I’m not smart enough.  I’m not pretty enough.  I’m not good enough.  I’m not friendly enough.  I’m not enough for God to love.  I’m not creative enough.  I’m not committed enough.  I’m not supportive enough.  I’m not a good enough daughter, wife, sister, friend, aunt.  I’m not enough for someone to want to commit to me.  I’m not enough for someone to care about.  I’m not (you fill in the blank) enough.

This was a very difficult mindset to overcome.  As I have worked with clients over the years, I have found so many of us feel the same way – that deep, aching, feeling and belief that I’m just not enough.

What makes us think this way?  After some research, I have formed a few thoughts on the subject.

Think of a small child and just how impressionable they are.  They soak up everything around them.  They mimic the actions, attitudes, and feelings of the people that surround them.  They are trying to learn about and understand the world around them.

With all that going on in their big world, the most important thing to them is gaining love and affection from their caregivers (parents, grandparents, siblings, etc.).  Their main goal is to be loved ~ what every child deserves.

A small child doesn’t yet understand human behavior or why people behave in certain ways.  They just know if mommy and daddy are happy they play with me and if they are mad they don’t.  (I know this is a very basic demonstration and reality is more complex, but you get the idea.)  With their limited understanding, children begin to create beliefs that their behavior, or who they are, determines how much love they receive.  They may come up with the idea that “If I get better grades in school, then my Dad will be happy and love me.”  When the reality is the father has an alcohol problem and no matter how the child does in school it will not change the outcome.  When the child gets good grades and the father is still not happy, the child creates another belief that he just isn’t good enough and that is why daddy doesn’t want to spend time with him.

I know that is very simplistic and not very uplifting ~ sorry for the downer.  Now think about your life.  Did you have any childhood experiences that left you feeling like you were not enough?  Perhaps as an adult you can see that these were false beliefs you were planting.

I don’t want you to look on your childhood and start placing blame.  There is no blame.  It is just life experience.  Parents/caregivers doing the best they know how.  Children, with their limited understanding creating beliefs that are not true.

When my second brother was born it was an exciting time.  I was in first grade.  My mom had been in the hospital with my new brother and when I left for school one morning the idea was that IF they got to come home that day SOMEONE would pick me up from school.

Well, the final bell rang and school was out.  I went outside and no one was there to pick me up.  Even though it was April, it was snowing, so I bundled up and started the looooooonnnnnggggg walk home in a blizzard.

I walked in the front door and there in my living room was my father, grandmother, brother (#1) AND my mother and my new brother!  I was devastated!  They had forgotten all about ME!  They had left me out in the cold, winter storm and didn’t care a bit!

Now we all know that is not true.  My perception and the beliefs I created that day were not anchored in truth.  And thankfully, I have “cleared” that ding and the attached false beliefs.  But for many years that haunted me.  I still bring it up from time to time though, just to “get” my parents 🙂

From this example you can see how I might have formed a belief or “story” that I was not enough; that my brothers were more important.  Then every time from that time forward that I was left out or seemingly forgotten, I had additional validation that I was not enough – no one cared.

Do you see where I am going with this?  Looking from the outside and with our adult experience, we can see that no harm was intended, yet, a small child has a very different set of glasses.

Now, back to my story from the beginning, it took me a while to figure myself out.  But I did it!  Oh, I’m not perfect, but I have so much more inner peace than I did before.  Here are the things you need to know and do to manifest your inner peace.

1. “I’m not enough” is a Bogus Belief

As we have already discussed.  These feelings and beliefs that we are not enough are FALSE.  We have created them in our own minds based on experiences we didn’t fully understand.  Remind yourself of that every time the “I’m not enough” thought creeps in.

Embrace the reality that I’m not enough IS a bogus belief.

2. What other people think of me is none of my business.

Does that sound a little harsh?  Are you saying something like “yeah, but he said things about me that aren’t even true!”  It doesn’t matter.  You are you ~ period.  People will come and go in and out of your life.  Some will like you, some won’t.  Some will think you are wonderful, others won’t.  And that is ok.  Not only is it ok, but that is how it should be.

Would you like someone to tell you what you should think of them?  I don’t think so, you like to form your own opinions and that is your right.  It is not your job or your right to spend your time convincing others of what you believe to be their misperceptions of you.

You spend your time being you.  The truth will shine through.  That is your job.

It is ok for people to not like you.  It is ok for you to let them have false beliefs about you.  What they think is none of your business.

Once you master this, you will be amazed at how much internal peace you will feel.

3. I am wonderful and yes I am wonderful as I am now

One thing we tend to do is compare ourselves to others.  Look how smart they are, how pretty/handsome they are, how much money they have, what a perfect family they have.  Admit it, you have done it.

I saw a great cartoon the other day of two people on a ruler.  One was near the 1” end hunched over and dragging himself along, the other was near the 12” end as if he was running with joy and ease.  The caption read something like “don’t use someone else’s ruler to measure your success”.

Wow!  That is such great advice!

Sometimes we forget we are amazing ~ as we are today.  We don’t need to measure up to anyone but ourselves.  When you love yourself – as you are now – you start to grow.  You put yourself on the path to, as I like to put it, re-becoming who you really are.

All of the bumps and stumbling blocks you have encountered in your life can then be seen as stepping stones.

From time to time I have clients who are interested in losing weight (I like to call it “surrendering” weight).  Through the process we often use affirmations to clear energetic blocks.  One of the ones I use a lot is “I love my beautiful body”.  The typical response is something like… but I don’t love my body, I’m fat and I feel ugly.

We then dive in and discuss love.  There is so much to love about your body.  It houses your soul.  It allows you to hold the hands of loved ones.  Your legs move you around.  Your eyes let you see beautiful things.  There is a long list of wonderful things about your body.  And when you start to show love to your body it responds.  It feels the love and changes start to take place.

Recognizing your worth works the same way.  Love yourself for who YOU are.  Don’t punish yourself for not being someone else.  If it’s hard, start small.  Love yourself for getting up in the morning.  Love yourself for smiling at a stranger.  Love yourself for being a good employee.  Love yourself for not littering.  As you do this, your love for yourself will grow.

And I’ve got a little secret for you… all of those people you used to compare yourself to… they are comparing themselves to someone as well (and it might be you!)

4. When I have a moment of I’m not enough, I know how to get over it

Now you are ready, you know the “I’m not enough” thoughts and feelings are not founded in truth.  You don’t care what other people think about you ~ you take great joy in the fact that what they think is none of your business.  And you have embraced the don’t compare dare and you LOVE yourself more and more every day.  But, one of those menacing “I’m not enough” thoughts decided to haunt you today… what do you do?

Take a minute and try to figure out why you have chosen to believe this thought.  What experiences have you had that have caused you to form this bogus belief?  This may be a little challenging at first.  Don’t worry, it will come to you.

In the meantime, recognize it as a bogus belief, a belief that is NOT founded in truth.  Tell yourself out loud that you are enough!  So if you are feeling like you are not good enough to get that job, you say out loud I AM GOOD ENOUGH TO GET THAT JOB AND I LET GO OF ANY AND ALL BOGUS BELIEFS THAT HAVE LED ME TO BELIEVE THE CONTRARY.

Now, when you start to recognize the experiences you have had in your life that have led you to the false conclusions that you are not enough, break them down and relive them in an uplifting and “I am enough” way in your mind.  Let go of the emotional “ding” and embrace the truth that is founded in self-love.

As you incorporate these four steps into your daily life, you will begin to slay the bogus beliefs that you have held on to, that have led you to believe you are not enough.  You will be teaching yourself to love yourself again.  As you learn to love yourself and embrace the real truth about yourself, you will find a true and lasting inner peace that will radiate outward to all who are near.

Are you ready to truly Love Yourself?
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